No, not that kind of mojo. Let's get that out of the way straight out.
I've always enjoyed writing. I've often been told I'm good at it. One time I was even told that even when I write a post with swear words (I do have a bit of a potty mouth, even when typing) that I "have perfect syntax when swearing." I take it as a compliment. Not the swearing bit, the comments on my ability to write. As a non-native English speaker, I pride myself on the level of English expression I have cultivated, admittedly unwittingly, over the past 3+ decades of my existence.
So when I stopped publishing posts on this blog more than two years ago, as the months turned into years I really felt like I lost my writing mojo, and felt I might never get it back. By the time it's taken me to feel driven enough to write this post however, gaining my "mojo" back has come to mean so much more. This post is personal, let's be clear about that. I don't know why I'm writing this or who might read it when it's done, but I guess part of it has to do with quitting facebook some months back, which I used as a means of self expression for a good many years, so I hope some friends will read this, and even if strangers do, maybe it'll mean something to someone.
So I stopped publishing because I didn't feel inspired enough about anything to write about it. This is more a reflective post than anything insightful or inspirational, that's for sure.
So, here I am. Why I am here? To sum up an era, perhaps. To focus on the glass full, maybe. To put down in words a swarm of thoughts that have circled in my head for a long time now. OK then, let me take a step back. What am I reflecting back on? Life, very broadly. More specifically, the last 3.5 years of it. Since the time I moved to Ireland.
Not many people know this, but when I accepted a job offer in Ireland, apart from the amazing career opportunity which was offered to me (spoiler alert: it remains one of the best moves I ever made in my life, taking that job offer), but there were many other things that came into play. The professional aspect was definitely part of it. I now work for one of the most desirable companies in the world, and feel humbled and blessed that luck (yes, intellect and skill too, but many people have those and don't have the luck that brought me to be where I am, so yes, luck) has smiled upon me in terms of my career path over the past few years. That wasn't all though. A broken heart and a knife in the back (unrelated incidents, I might add) also played their part. I needed a fresh scene and a fresh start, and I needed it badly.
See, here's the thing. In the last few years as my professional success has grown I've discovered that I'm in very much an enviable position right now. Many people would kill to have my job. Many people have asked for my help to get their foot in the door. I've helped some, less so others, but truth be told none of those who I've helped, or not, have been hired, which once again brings me back to my luck. So again, I say luck because it didn't start off that way. I graduated university in 2010. I was so hopelessly utterly lost at the time. I had zero clue what I was going to do with my life. I remember vividly shaking the Vice Chancellor's hand as I accepted my fancy degree from a fancy school and being asked by the Vice Chancellor, "So have you found a job yet?", to which I replied "No, not yet."A half hour later I hear the VC give his speech, in which he remarked how many graduands had mentioned that day that they'd already secured employment. I was already acutely aware that while I slaved away doing full time student hours while juggling a full time call centre job many of my more privileged peers were busy doing unpaid summer internships with immense career opportunities ahead of them now their CVs had been adequately stacked with impressive multinational names they could boast of. I had none of that. I felt like crap. But only for an hour, then I ran off from campus leaving my family (who'd come all the way from Israel & Europe to see me graduate) and friends behind while I was off to yet another interview which ultimately had led nowhere.
To be clear, this was 2010, economic insecurity was at a long time high, job uncertainty high too. My economics lecturer in 2009 had assertively told us all: "don't enter the job market now. Do a master's if you can." I'd ignored that advice thinking "it can't be that bad." Well, it was for a while. A good while. There was the interview with the prominent multinational firm which struck me off at one stage of the interview process as I'd not yet officially graduated, despite offering to present my transcript demonstrating I'd met all requirements and was eligible for graduation. There was the company that had assured me if I'd passed the group interviews I'd be guaranteed a job, but upon learning I was asking to leave that interview promptly at 5pm for religious reasons summoned me to another 'interview' where I was asked "how many days off a year I'd need for Jewish holidays" (blatant discrimination, if only I'd had the guts and energy to fight; I didn't), then didn't offer me a job. There was the public sector graduate programme role I really, really, wanted where I made it through to the final 15 for 10 advertised positions, then didn't get an offer. The public sector is mandated to provide feedback to those who seek it, and I sought. It was to take between 6-8 weeks, I was going to India for a month a week later, I asked for feedback anyway, even by email. I got a phone call back two days later saying "they were so impressed with my application they thought it only fair to get back to me straight away". They said everything about my application was great, from the written application, through the individual tasks at interview stage, the group interaction, individual interview and second interview round. I kept waiting for the "but..."It never quite came. I was told I did superbly on all the interviews and a decision needed to be made and they just chose someone else for that department. "On any other day we could have had a much more positive conversation, unfortunately." There was not a single actionable feedback they offered me and still no job offer on the table.
The first job I took after graduation was a sales consultant in a travel agency. I was by far the smartest person in the branch, and way overqualified. I was also churning through my hard earned savings fast and desperate for an income. I quit after 6 weeks, miserable. It took 6 weeks only for my boss and her boss to ask me to reconsider as they were impressed how fast I'd learned. That job was not for me. In the two years post graduation, I went through 4 jobs, not including temp jobs, and wound up freelancing as a consultant on social media marketing, which I'd learnt on the job at one of the roles I'd taken post graduation. The role was new business sales, quite obviously not for me, but I learned a lot and found my passion for digital - the first step in my career, at last. Through those two years I lost confidence fast. Years of climbing the ladder and being recognised for my work and abilities pre-and during my university days and I was starting to think maybe I wasn't as capable as I'd thought.
Then, came the email from the recruiter which changed my life. I couldn't believe even the reachout was real at first, let alone dreamed I'd ever land that job. Eight interviews later, I got the offer, along with the ask to move to Ireland. The disbelief quickly stepped aside amidst the ambition, mixed with heartbreak and another unfortunate incident which made my mind scream out "you need to get away, you need to do this." So I did.
In doing so, I discovered I have the most unreal group of friends and have so much love directed at me in life that I am the luckiest woman alive, or so I felt anyway.
Fast forward 3.5 years and all of that is just as important today as it was back then. 2015 was not an easy year for me. My first year and a half at the "dream job" I'd landed were no short of hell. 2015 was the year that was all changing. I'd changed roles a year prior, I was much more fulfilled. I was also overworked, exhausted and stressed beyond words. I'd reached new professional heights and was finally gaining the recognition and reward for my hard work which I'd longed for for so long. It started as a good year. I was tired and stressed, yes, but also being recognised. I'd put my love life virtually on hold for 2 years to advance my career. That was my resolve moving to Ireland. Two years has passed, my career was on the up and up, things were good. Sure enough, I met someone. I fell hard, and I fell fast. As the year progressed work became more and more stressful. I was drained. I endured an unexpected and painful heartbreak. A few potentially serious health scares followed in succession. I didn't know who I was anymore, except I knew that I had to get my mojo back. Till that point, I'd always been a happy person, always positive, no matter what. It was hard to do that.
I've had to wake up for months and months counting my blessings daily. Work is going so well. If ever I needed a reminder, my family and friends provided it tenfold what I could have ever imagined, of just how bloody loved I am. So freaking much I must have done something right in life to earn that. My health is manageable and I remain optimistic about that. I'm going to be a first time Auntie in July.
It's taken time, and effort and a near obsessive mantra like repetition, counting my blessings, reminding myself I am loved, looking after myself, but once again I am smiling, and doing what I've always done: maintaining a buzzing social life, organising for others, giving 150% of myself to my work, being the best friend I could possibly be to my friends no matter how close we are, being present for others and not just focusing on myself (I needed that for a while). I feel like there's still a ways to go and I'm on a journey now, but I finally feel like me again.
And I just wrote a bloody long blog post which no one may ever read. I'm getting my mojo back.
I've always enjoyed writing. I've often been told I'm good at it. One time I was even told that even when I write a post with swear words (I do have a bit of a potty mouth, even when typing) that I "have perfect syntax when swearing." I take it as a compliment. Not the swearing bit, the comments on my ability to write. As a non-native English speaker, I pride myself on the level of English expression I have cultivated, admittedly unwittingly, over the past 3+ decades of my existence.
So when I stopped publishing posts on this blog more than two years ago, as the months turned into years I really felt like I lost my writing mojo, and felt I might never get it back. By the time it's taken me to feel driven enough to write this post however, gaining my "mojo" back has come to mean so much more. This post is personal, let's be clear about that. I don't know why I'm writing this or who might read it when it's done, but I guess part of it has to do with quitting facebook some months back, which I used as a means of self expression for a good many years, so I hope some friends will read this, and even if strangers do, maybe it'll mean something to someone.
So I stopped publishing because I didn't feel inspired enough about anything to write about it. This is more a reflective post than anything insightful or inspirational, that's for sure.
So, here I am. Why I am here? To sum up an era, perhaps. To focus on the glass full, maybe. To put down in words a swarm of thoughts that have circled in my head for a long time now. OK then, let me take a step back. What am I reflecting back on? Life, very broadly. More specifically, the last 3.5 years of it. Since the time I moved to Ireland.
Not many people know this, but when I accepted a job offer in Ireland, apart from the amazing career opportunity which was offered to me (spoiler alert: it remains one of the best moves I ever made in my life, taking that job offer), but there were many other things that came into play. The professional aspect was definitely part of it. I now work for one of the most desirable companies in the world, and feel humbled and blessed that luck (yes, intellect and skill too, but many people have those and don't have the luck that brought me to be where I am, so yes, luck) has smiled upon me in terms of my career path over the past few years. That wasn't all though. A broken heart and a knife in the back (unrelated incidents, I might add) also played their part. I needed a fresh scene and a fresh start, and I needed it badly.
See, here's the thing. In the last few years as my professional success has grown I've discovered that I'm in very much an enviable position right now. Many people would kill to have my job. Many people have asked for my help to get their foot in the door. I've helped some, less so others, but truth be told none of those who I've helped, or not, have been hired, which once again brings me back to my luck. So again, I say luck because it didn't start off that way. I graduated university in 2010. I was so hopelessly utterly lost at the time. I had zero clue what I was going to do with my life. I remember vividly shaking the Vice Chancellor's hand as I accepted my fancy degree from a fancy school and being asked by the Vice Chancellor, "So have you found a job yet?", to which I replied "No, not yet."A half hour later I hear the VC give his speech, in which he remarked how many graduands had mentioned that day that they'd already secured employment. I was already acutely aware that while I slaved away doing full time student hours while juggling a full time call centre job many of my more privileged peers were busy doing unpaid summer internships with immense career opportunities ahead of them now their CVs had been adequately stacked with impressive multinational names they could boast of. I had none of that. I felt like crap. But only for an hour, then I ran off from campus leaving my family (who'd come all the way from Israel & Europe to see me graduate) and friends behind while I was off to yet another interview which ultimately had led nowhere.
To be clear, this was 2010, economic insecurity was at a long time high, job uncertainty high too. My economics lecturer in 2009 had assertively told us all: "don't enter the job market now. Do a master's if you can." I'd ignored that advice thinking "it can't be that bad." Well, it was for a while. A good while. There was the interview with the prominent multinational firm which struck me off at one stage of the interview process as I'd not yet officially graduated, despite offering to present my transcript demonstrating I'd met all requirements and was eligible for graduation. There was the company that had assured me if I'd passed the group interviews I'd be guaranteed a job, but upon learning I was asking to leave that interview promptly at 5pm for religious reasons summoned me to another 'interview' where I was asked "how many days off a year I'd need for Jewish holidays" (blatant discrimination, if only I'd had the guts and energy to fight; I didn't), then didn't offer me a job. There was the public sector graduate programme role I really, really, wanted where I made it through to the final 15 for 10 advertised positions, then didn't get an offer. The public sector is mandated to provide feedback to those who seek it, and I sought. It was to take between 6-8 weeks, I was going to India for a month a week later, I asked for feedback anyway, even by email. I got a phone call back two days later saying "they were so impressed with my application they thought it only fair to get back to me straight away". They said everything about my application was great, from the written application, through the individual tasks at interview stage, the group interaction, individual interview and second interview round. I kept waiting for the "but..."It never quite came. I was told I did superbly on all the interviews and a decision needed to be made and they just chose someone else for that department. "On any other day we could have had a much more positive conversation, unfortunately." There was not a single actionable feedback they offered me and still no job offer on the table.
The first job I took after graduation was a sales consultant in a travel agency. I was by far the smartest person in the branch, and way overqualified. I was also churning through my hard earned savings fast and desperate for an income. I quit after 6 weeks, miserable. It took 6 weeks only for my boss and her boss to ask me to reconsider as they were impressed how fast I'd learned. That job was not for me. In the two years post graduation, I went through 4 jobs, not including temp jobs, and wound up freelancing as a consultant on social media marketing, which I'd learnt on the job at one of the roles I'd taken post graduation. The role was new business sales, quite obviously not for me, but I learned a lot and found my passion for digital - the first step in my career, at last. Through those two years I lost confidence fast. Years of climbing the ladder and being recognised for my work and abilities pre-and during my university days and I was starting to think maybe I wasn't as capable as I'd thought.
Then, came the email from the recruiter which changed my life. I couldn't believe even the reachout was real at first, let alone dreamed I'd ever land that job. Eight interviews later, I got the offer, along with the ask to move to Ireland. The disbelief quickly stepped aside amidst the ambition, mixed with heartbreak and another unfortunate incident which made my mind scream out "you need to get away, you need to do this." So I did.
In doing so, I discovered I have the most unreal group of friends and have so much love directed at me in life that I am the luckiest woman alive, or so I felt anyway.
Fast forward 3.5 years and all of that is just as important today as it was back then. 2015 was not an easy year for me. My first year and a half at the "dream job" I'd landed were no short of hell. 2015 was the year that was all changing. I'd changed roles a year prior, I was much more fulfilled. I was also overworked, exhausted and stressed beyond words. I'd reached new professional heights and was finally gaining the recognition and reward for my hard work which I'd longed for for so long. It started as a good year. I was tired and stressed, yes, but also being recognised. I'd put my love life virtually on hold for 2 years to advance my career. That was my resolve moving to Ireland. Two years has passed, my career was on the up and up, things were good. Sure enough, I met someone. I fell hard, and I fell fast. As the year progressed work became more and more stressful. I was drained. I endured an unexpected and painful heartbreak. A few potentially serious health scares followed in succession. I didn't know who I was anymore, except I knew that I had to get my mojo back. Till that point, I'd always been a happy person, always positive, no matter what. It was hard to do that.
I've had to wake up for months and months counting my blessings daily. Work is going so well. If ever I needed a reminder, my family and friends provided it tenfold what I could have ever imagined, of just how bloody loved I am. So freaking much I must have done something right in life to earn that. My health is manageable and I remain optimistic about that. I'm going to be a first time Auntie in July.
It's taken time, and effort and a near obsessive mantra like repetition, counting my blessings, reminding myself I am loved, looking after myself, but once again I am smiling, and doing what I've always done: maintaining a buzzing social life, organising for others, giving 150% of myself to my work, being the best friend I could possibly be to my friends no matter how close we are, being present for others and not just focusing on myself (I needed that for a while). I feel like there's still a ways to go and I'm on a journey now, but I finally feel like me again.
And I just wrote a bloody long blog post which no one may ever read. I'm getting my mojo back.
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